I got on the treadmill, and the thunder of the music beat in sync with my heartbeat. I kept feeling that it was time to do something. It was time to move, to make a change, to break out of the insecurity that had become so familiar. Who hasn’t felt a loss of strength or confidence from time to time? Of course, there are certainly those who are always steady on their feet. I salute them. But I allow myself the luxury of admitting that I’m not always as confident as I appear.

But as I ran, and the anger kept building inside me, a strange realisation dawned. You know how rich everyone is these days? A lot of people complain they have nothing, but look at them! They’ve got a good dose of insecurity, self-doubt, things they don’t want or don’t want the way they want them. Then there’s a good deal of dissatisfaction, whether with themselves or others, a lot of inertia, and a myriad of things they don’t really know. And the most interesting thing? A good dose of anger and resentment.

You’re not poor, are you? You already have a lot of things. Maybe you haven’t thought about it like that, but guess what, it’s all YOURS. Is that what you wanted…? Well yes, that’s another question.

And when all this stuff – all the not-so-positive stuff – comes together on a beautiful autumn day to form a ball inside you… Let’s call it a magic ball, because it’s easier to imagine. So all your dissatisfaction, insecurities, anger, all that stuff, it all comes together in this magic ball and suddenly it starts to shine like nothing you’ve ever seen in your life. And your anger – that special anger that comes from within – lights that ball.

Suddenly you feel it’s time. Not because everything is perfectly in place, but because this rage, this light, illuminates your path so clearly that you can no longer stay in the same place you have been. You cannot stay the same person you were before. It’s time to take off the mask and face yourself honestly. It’s time to stand in front of the mirror, shake hands with yourself and say, “Hello, I’m finally here.”

For the first time in my life, I felt that anger was a good thing. I had always feared it because it seemed like an uncontrollable, uncontrollable energy. But now it was different. I felt its power, I felt it was strong, but now I felt that I could do anything with that power. That now I could finally do all the things I’d been thinking about and fiddling with for years. Because there’s always an excuse.

But sometimes you just realise that wow, this week has gone by so fast. Does it sound familiar? Well, there’s no need to make excuses, because time has gone by so fast. Right? Well, it is obvious that time is a universal thing beyond our control. It just passes, and if it has, it’s understandable that you didn’t have time for this and that. Presumably for yourself.

I think that’s one of the great diseases of humanity, that it doesn’t have time for itself. You don’t have time to ask yourself, “Hi, how are you today? Are you feeling happy? Did you wake up this morning – are you happy about it? Can you look around and ask yourself: is this all right for you? Is this what you wanted? If not, how could it be good? What would make you feel better today, even just a little?

When was the last time you were honest with yourself? Listen, I don’t know, but this anger just made my tongue curl. I don’t want to live with stress every day. I don’t want to be in situations where others are trying to pass on their own insecurities and loss of control. I have no desire to continue spending time with people I don’t necessarily want to. I want to choose for myself who I do and don’t want to deal with.

I no longer want to pretend that everyone is tolerable in the present state of perfection that they are in. I fully understand that everyone is where they want to be, and I understand that someone is not well and they need help, and I understand that everyone is perfect as they are – but I don’t feel like putting up with that from everyone. And yes, there are some people for whom their current self-perfection is burdensome and too much.

Of course, I know the theory that he’s just a mirror, showing my own weakness. Yet, when I look into that mirror and remember to ask the question, “Hello, how are you today?” – then such a person living his own perfection also contributes to my not answering the question. Because it all seems hopeless. Just get through today, and let there be tomorrow, but mostly Friday, because after Friday comes the weekend, and well, then the weekend… everything will be a little better on the weekend.

But you know what the problem with weekends is? They go by so fast. Suddenly it’s Monday again. I’ve barely breathed a sigh of relief from a bunch of stuff that’s been weighing me down every single day for five days, starting all over again. But now it makes me angry. It’s swirling in that bright magic ball. And I just keep running on that bench in the gym, looking at myself in the glass beyond which the darkened city finally seems to be slowly calming down.

I look at myself, and I can almost see the anger turn to determination. A new will is born in me. That the next time I remember to ask myself: “Hello, how are you today?” – I can honestly say: I’m getting better.

And how are you today?