Relationships are not always what they seem at first glance. Sometimes we feel that we have “cooked” them perfectly, but something is missing in the taste. Sometimes we expect sugar, but after the first bite we realise it’s too salty. And of course, there are also relationships where we know from the smell that it will never taste good, but we still go back to “making” them again and again, just in case it will be different this time. I’ve collected a few from my life so far. Now it’s time to add some humour. Maybe it will help you to see why some relationships leave a void and why they don’t work.

A recipe for one-plane friendship

Ingredients:

  • 2 spoons of superficial interest
  • 1 pinch of time-wasting chat
  • 3 cups of tea initiative
  • 0 gram feedback

Preparation:

  1. Mix superficial interest with time-wasting chit-chat.
  2. Add plenty of you initiative, but make sure that the other party’s feedback is completely left out.
  3. Before serving, take a deep breath and smile as if everything is fine.

This is the situation when you invest too much energy in someone who can only hear you at background noise level. You know, like an old, dusty radio: sometimes something is playing, but most of the time it’s just static. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the hope that the other person will just tune in to our wavelength. Question: am I willing to keep giving if I never get it back?

A relationship that works out of habit Recipe

Ingredients:

  • 2 tablespoons common routine
  • 1 pinch of fading passion
  • 4 cups “we’re used to it”
  • A drop of honest conversation (skip)

Preparation:

  1. Rev up the common routine until it becomes almost automatic.
  2. Add the fading passion, but not too much, so it doesn’t become too intense.
  3. If you have a frank conversation handy, you can spice it up, but it’s not mandatory.
  4. Serve it with the feeling that “it’s still better than being alone”.

“We’ve got used to it” is the most harmful spice: invisible but imperceptible, it determines the taste of every bite. We tend to repeat old recipes without tasting them to see if they are still good. Question. If not, what would I do differently? Sometimes all it takes is a refreshing ingredient to add a new flavor to an old recipe.

The recipe for a toxic working relationship

Ingredients:

  • 1 handful passive-aggressive note
  • 3 spoons of forced cooperation
  • 5 drops of “you can guess for yourself”
  • 2 tablespoons of repressed anger

Preparation:

  1. Throw passive-aggressive comments into a big bowl and mix it with forced cooperation.
  2. Carefully drip “you guessed it” feelings into it – be careful not to blow up in your face!
  3. Add suppressed anger until the mixture comes to the boil.
  4. Serve it with a smile, while inside you put on a suit of armour.

Laugh! Sometimes our workplace relationships are more like a soap opera than effective teamwork. Some people are only concerned with their own “cooking” and see everyone else as extras. They often cook in your kitchen without even being able to read a recipe properly!

The recipe for a “just me giving” relationship

Ingredients:

  • 4 cups of heartfelt help
  • 1 tablespoon of giving without expectations
  • 2 drops of “one day he will return” hope
  • A big dose of unspoken frustration

Preparation:

  1. Warm up to the heartfelt help and add to it the giving without expectations.
  2. Mix in the hope that they might return the favour one day. (Spoiler: they won’t.)
  3. Sprinkle the whole thing with unspoken frustration and stew until you feel completely burnt out.
  4. Serve as if everything is fine – this illusion is part of the recipe.

You know that feeling when after every encounter you feel that the other person leaves feeling full and you are left hungry? Life isn’t a one-sided buffet – sometimes you have to pick your own plate!

The recipe for an “eternally complaining” relationship

Ingredients:

  • 5 tablespoons of endless complaining
  • 2 drop question how are you (negligible amount)
  • 3 hints “how would you do that?” (they don’t listen to the answer anyway)
  • A large amount of your own energy that you use to support the other person spiritually

Preparation:

  1. Pour endless complaining into a large bowl and let it fill the space.
  2. Add a little question about how you’re doing – but don’t worry, its presence will be barely noticeable.
  3. Mix in the rhetorical question “how would you do it?”, because you can’t expect an answer.
  4. Finally, add enough energy from your own reserves to shake the other person up one more time – while you slowly run out of energy.
  5. Serve it in a way that makes you feel like the best listener in the world, while you don’t have time for yourself.

Now, that’s the endless radio broadcast where it’s always the same thing. And no matter how much you want to change the station, you never get a chance. How long can this be maintained? Because as much as you love the radio, sometimes you have to turn it off to get some silence…

A recipe or two may sound familiar, and you may already be turning over in your head which one fits into which pot. But before you judge others, it’s worth looking at your own cookbook. How many of our contacts are making the same recipe when it could do with a little reform? It’s up to you to experiment with new flavours or stick with the old ones. The key is to create a table where you want to sit – and where others want to sit. 😊