Okay, let’s admit it. Jealousy is like a pimple on the forehead: familiar to many of us, but no one likes to talk about it. It doesn’t come out as “Wow, I wish I could be that successful!”, but more like this:
– “Ah, he must have got ahead because of his connections.”
– “Yeah, sure, it’s easy for him because…”
– “He just got lucky.”

So envy does not manifest itself openly, but slips into self-justification, frustration or passive-aggression. This sneaky little emotion insidiously insinuates itself into your thinking and poisons your daily life unnoticed. I wrote about this in more detail in my previous article. Envy is an internal trap that you can defuse. Tackling envy is not impossible – in fact, with conscious attention you can eliminate it from your life completely. However, you cannot get away with introspection and you cannot get away with a single wise quote. What is certain is that there is a way out, there is a remedy – if you are willing to look at things differently.

The 3 worst ways to deal with envy (which I’m sure many people do)

1. Repression – “I’m not jealous” or “Me? Jealous? Never!”

Of course, and chocolate can also make you lose weight. Let’s face it, it’s not nice to admit to yourself that you’re jealous. But once you start, you’ll get better. Honesty with ourselves on this subject makes sense too. Denying the feeling of envy will not make it go away. It just hides nicely and works from within, then bursts out in the form of passive-aggressive comments or self-pity.

A better solution: Don’t deny it! Admit that you are jealous and deal with it consciously.

2. Race against others – “I’ll show you”

Life is not a Die Hard series where you emerge victorious at the end of every episode. If all you’re driven to do is beat someone or outperform someone, you may never feel any real satisfaction.

Better solution: be clear about what is really important to you, set goals and focus on them, not on beating others.

3. Belittling the success of others – “You were lucky anyway”

This is a classic symptom of envy. When someone has achieved something, it’s easier to say they got lucky than to admit they may have worked hard for it. In doing so, of course, you are hindering your own progress.

Better solution: think about what you can learn from someone else’s success. If someone else has succeeded, it means you have a chance to succeed too.

5 tricks to deal with envy

1. Recognise and name the thing!

One reason for envy is that we place too much importance on someone else’s success or potential. The first step towards a solution is to recognize when you are envious. If you can recognize that you are envious because you don’t have it, or you are embarrassed that someone else is in a different place than you, you have already taken a huge step forward. You should never try to suppress the feeling, but rather look at it from the outside and ask yourself: “Do I really want to feel bad about other people’s success?”

2. Do not compare yourself to others, but to yourself!

For many people today, this is a challenge, but if you constantly compare yourself to others, you will never be satisfied because there will always be someone who is ahead of you. Instead of comparing yourself to others, look at where you were a year ago, or five years ago. How have you improved? What have you got better at? If you have improved in just one thing, you are on the right track. If you feel that you have done nothing, then you should focus your energy on changing that instead of envy. Envy will not make your life better.

3. Motivate yourself with the success of others

Envy shows you what you want. If someone’s success annoys you, it means you want to achieve something similar. This realisation can be turned into negative energy (bitterness, puffiness), but it can also be a motivator.

Stop focusing on what others have – focus on what you can do to achieve what you want. Instead of letting envy eat you up inside, use it as fuel. If someone bought a new car and it bothers you – ask yourself what you can do to improve your own financial situation. If someone has lost weight and it bothers you – maybe you want to be fitter too? Start taking small steps to do it!

4. Don’t let social media influence you

Social media is a goldmine of envy. One of the most powerful catalysts for the growth of envy is the constant seeing of other people’s “perfect lives” as a carefully selected showcase. Remember that people rarely post about a fight with their partner, a minus in their bank account or their dog throwing up on their favourite shoes. On Insta and Meta, no one shares pictures of being stressed, exhausted, or having a career screwed up. If a site or influencer constantly makes you feel like you’re not good enough – stop following them! Try to browse more consciously and always remind yourself that what you see is an edited reality.

5. Practice gratitude and contentment

Envy affects us because we focus on what we don’t have (ENVY = WHAT WE DON’T HAVE ). But if you start to consciously focus on what you do have, it can change your attitude (ENVY = WHAT YOU HAVE). Which one do you choose? Write down a few things to be grateful for every day. Don’t just think about big things! It also matters that you were able to drink your coffee in the morning, or that someone was kind to you, or that you did well on a task. The more you focus on what’s already good in your life, the less you’ll be frustrated by the success of others.

Summary

The key is not to let the lives of others determine the value of your own. Instead, focus on what you can improve, what you can do for yourself, and how you can be more satisfied with your own journey. The goal is not to focus on other people’s lives, but to build your own. Because real happiness comes not from being better off than others – but from being comfortable in your own skin.

Many people think that envy is when we want something that belongs to someone else. But just because you see something and say, “Wow, I wish I had one of those,” doesn’t make you envious. Envy starts when you think it’s out of your reach. It’s all about belief. Because if you think something is impossible for you, you don’t give yourself a chance to get it. But if you keep an open mind and say, “Okay, I may not know how to achieve it right now, but it’s not out of the question,” you’re on a different playing field.

Think about it: if you think you can never run 5 kilometres, you’ll probably never start training. But if you believe you can achieve it in small steps, suddenly it doesn’t seem so impossible. And if you do eventually realise that you hate running? At least you won’t spend your time envying other people for their fitness Insta-posts.

So the next time you find yourself fuming at someone’s success, stop for a moment. Is that thing really out of reach? Or have you just not found your way there yet? As long as you think it’s out of reach, it really is. However, if you want to make it attainable for yourself, you must first believe that it is possible for you. Ponder this seeming paradox for a while, while I write the next article on this.